I am not a conspiracy theory nut job. But I feel like pretending to be one right now. So be cool & play along will you? Let’s relax, take a deep breath & imagine everything that could possibly go wrong in your life because of different Facebook functions. Just for fun!
Profile Picture/Cover Picture –
While most pictures are set to a private setting in most FB accounts, it’s highly likely that your profile or cover picture is still public. Which means anybody can download it or save it & morph it to feature you on one of those porn websites you secretly visit! Even if your pictures are private, including your profile picture, what’s to stop hackers from getting into your account anyway? I mean, it could happen right? I know FB will tell you it can’t. But even a 0.1% chance is still a chance of something happening.Think about it.
Check In –
You’re basically letting the world know each tiny detail about your whereabouts. The exact location & exact time of your destination. Under what other circumstances, than the carefully engineered ones created by Facebook, would you do that? Even if sending a message to 500 people was made as easy as posting a check in on Facebook, would you do it? This is especially risky if you’re a regular visitor to the place. A jilted lover would know your travel times & patterns. It could put your children under risk for abduction, especially if you check in to their school, play pens, extra classes like gym, dance etc a lot.
You do realize that tagging is actually face recognition? You don’t? Think you have control over it & by simply removing tags you can fool Facebook? Try this. Tag one of your friends in a picture & then try tagging them incorrectly after 10 months. Or a year. Or two years. Facebook will tell you that’s not Mary but Jane, each time. Creepy huh.
Customized News Feed –
The customization isn’t just limited to your friends’ posts or pages you like. That would be appropriate. It goes on to decide what you want to view, based on what you search for on google, what you viewed on ANY website that has the Facebook share icon on it, what you viewed on an e-commerce website or what you recently bought. It’s like someone is watching every move you make. You shall never starve for attention again!
The ‘Heritage’ poster –
That’s right. We will follow you not only to your grave but beyond. While you are alive & well, Facebook allows you to share every little detail about your life for all to see. But what’s amazing is, even after you die, your FB account must go on, so you can add a heritage buddy who can make posts on your behalf once you die. Rumor has it that they will be launching an application called ‘Ouija’ through which your heritage buddy can contact your soul to know EXACTLY where you checked in after death. After all, the world must know that you’re ‘Feeling sad’ once you’ve checked into Hell!
So that’s the top 5 super creepy Facebook functions I could think of. I’m sure if I think hard enough I will be able to add more to it’s creepy quotient. However, I think I have indulged in more scaremongering than my soul can allow for a day. Besides, a little birdie told me that Facebook can read your thoughts while you’re looking at the home page. It just asks you to ‘What’s on your mind’ because it wants to validate whether you’re telling it the truth! Dare not be dishonest with Facebook! Or God knows where you will be ‘checking in’ next!