The Illusion Of Time & The Certainty Of A Watch
Hey! Nik here! How have you been? I’m about to share with you something that happened 3 years ago on my birthday. To me, birthdays are just like any other day. I can never get my head around the concept of celebrating ’em. I honestly don’t understand what the fuss is all about. Things don’t change in your life because of some magical number on the calendar or because you grew a year older. You grow through experience & everyday is an experience so in essence anytime you learn something new you ‘grow’. But that’s just me.
And then there’s is my sister who, by her own estimate & understanding, loves me deeply. There was a time i did too but you know things change, memories fade away, you meet new people and then you just stop caring about old things. Yeah, that sounds really awful but again that’s just me. Now my sister is very fond of birthdays, and doesn’t matter what part of the world she is in, she would always come and see me on my b’day.
And lady of interest at the time, was crazy about birthdays too. Almost as if a birthday was her last day on earth and she wanted to make the most of it.
Just like the birthdays, I never understood the concept of time. Time is just a state of mind. And the idea of wearing a watch is so horrible, i would do anything to avoid it. But i somehow developed this fixation on this fossil time piece. It seemed like a unique piece of jewel and i so wanted to own it. I shared my feelings with her. She thought of it as a hint for a b’day gift. Finally arrives that day and i accompany her to a store to buy this watch.
I try and share my ideology with her regarding time and explain to her how time plays no role in our lives. Its just a notion in our head and in reality this entire universe wouldn’t be able to survive if time was for real. Its just another effective measure of mind control. We can only be free when we stop believing in time. She feigned interest in my monologue on time, nodded her head every now & them, and just asked one question.
“Do you want the watch or not?”
Well, there’s a difference in ‘want’ & ‘need’. If she would have asked if I ‘need’ the watch or not, I would have said a straight out no. But she asked whether I ‘wanted’ it… And we want all sorts of things we don’t really need. So I said yes! Besides, what’s the point of avoiding strapping something around your wrist that helps you perceive something that doesn’t exist?
We stepped into the store. I saw that knowing grin on the face of that conman, the sales guy! My soul was shouting slogans against consumerism and insanity. But nonetheless it was a beautiful watch. I took it. We celebrated my b’day. And this was the only part where i get to have fun. Pure fun.
But for a very long time i felt uneasy. Whenever my arms moved, i could hear that watch and it started to drive me crazy. I already am quite dysfunctional & out there and if something starts to trigger within me, i just get fucking mad.
After the b’day enthusiast left, i stared at that watch for several minutes. It was in such rush, moving constantly, ticking, running, God knows where? And from what? It just ran and ran and ran in all fucking directions. I just couldn’t take it anymore and i said ‘stop mother fucker’. Next thing i know, it was lying on the floor, a crack in the screen. I picked it up, it had stopped. And i felt an orgasmic relief.
I still thought it was pretty. It said fossil and looked exactly the same minus all the annoyance.
I was happy. I called a cab and went to see my sister. I was really keen on meeting her. It was late. I reached home, she was sitting there, waiting for me. She saw me and said ‘What time is it?’. I looked at my watch and i looked at her. She looked at my watch and she looked at me. She said, ‘Seems like you broke your watch. Don’t worry, lets cut the cake. I would get you a new one tomorrow.”