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No Biryani for You Mister!

 

Biryani is a South Asian mixed rice dish with its origins among the Muslims of the Indian subcontinent. It is popular throughout the subcontinent and among the diaspora from the region. It is generally made with spices, rice, and meat.

I am a lonely, broke writer. Meals are a rare sight in our profession.

I always look forward to tricking people into inviting me to their houses for a nice, warm meal.

Insha is a wonderful cook and a friend. Her lover Kabir is a wonderful host and a friend. I managed to secure an invite for lunch.

Life is full of treats. But life too, like all of us, wants to have a little fun, every now and then.

I reached her house in G.K II, New Delhi. It was afternoon. I like earning my meals. After an intensely painful and lengthy story telling session, I was served lunch. There was no Biryani.

I felt I was hit by a freight train. All my castles of hopes and dreams lie shattered in pieces, in front of my eyes.

Survival instincts kicked in.

Me: Innu, I would love to eat Biryani someday. Please invite me next weekend. I am in town till then. It is always a great pleasure to spend the time with you. You guys make me feel like family.

Insha: Awwww, Nish, You so sweet. Sure, I would Whatsapp you an exclusive Biryani Invite.

I patted my back. Job well done. A good meal, soon. I like the sound of it.

We finished our lunch and sat for another story telling session. It was interrupted by a neighborly women entrance. She seemed to have nothing better to do that evening. She very tactfully stole my audience.

Neighbor: Innu, You should buy a new car. I see Kabir has a car but you do not.

Insha: I do not need a new car. I barely go to any place alone.

Neighbor: That is wonderful but in the case of emergency, you should always have a spare car. You never know what might happen. Delhi is a very unsafe place. Also, everyone has a car. You should get one too.

I and Kabir looked at each other and buried our burst of laughter, within our souls. I soon bid their goodbye and left.

When you run a white collar scam like this, you need to run a very tight show. Follow-up is essential.

I messaged Insha under false pretext after three days. She was doing great.

She had bought a new car. I couldn’t stop myself from calling her.

Insha: I got a new car.

Me: Why?

Insha: I wanted one and Kabir gave me a surprise this morning. He is the best. He loves me so much.

Me: No, no and no. You bought a new car because of social pressure. You are a victim of a corporate-endorsed society. Your subconscious was tricked using a vicious and rare marketing tool.

Shame.

Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need.

Shame is a powerful advertising tool. Public humiliation is our biggest fear. We want to stand tall. An I-phone, a DSLR, an expensive car, helps you achieve that.

Anyways, After our phone conversation, Insha never invited me for Biryani. This Ramadan I was really missing Biryani. So thought of her. May Allah bless her soul. And I am not a quitter. Someday, I would again trick her into inviting me for Biryani. Until that day, May Allah give me strength.

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Financial Meltdown Nov 2017, An American Express dream!

Financial Meltdown Nov 2017, An American Express dream!

Tonight, Broken Radio presents to you, a teaser of upcoming Financial Meltdown, releasing this Nov 2017. The theater stars you, of course. This entire planet is possible because of you and a guy named Greed. It also stars President Trump, PM Modi, and Amercian Express. It’s written by a team of brilliant writers led by Ken Chenault.

Before we begin, I wanted to offer you a little background. Billions of years ago, there were two people. Adam and Eve. I hope no one would ask me to prove this stated fact. I hope so.

There was no money. Few more centuries later, there were many people. There was no money. There still was a fair exchange of goods and services termed as barter. But there was no money. There was also a good king.

The good kings didn’t stay good. This is referred as a natural phenomenon called ‘Decay’. They decayed morally. Shit happens!

People were robbed of their minerals, gold, and silver. Gold Seize, they call it. And were made poor. Next few centuries later, there were kings, few rich people and then you. You are essential to this story. This entire planet is possible because of you and a guy named Greed.

Now you have no gold left. But you still have mouths to feed. What would you do next?

Barter!

 You go to a rich fella and ask him some money. But you need to offer something in exchange. If you offer your home, you would have no place to live. You already quit your ways of being a nomad because the king asked you to do so. You are confused about your next steps.

But that’s because, you are a decent fella. You do not understand earthly shit.

The rich guy is awake. He has all the answers. The rich guy would then suggest, you pay him a very small sum of money each month in exchange of believing you. But if you miss that payment, then he would take your house.

“Listen to him, dude. He’s your only friend. He is giving you money, without any fuss. You would have your home, wife, kids and you can always work a little. And keep on paying him a small Riba”, says the town whore.

Riba can be roughly translated as “usury”, or unjust, exploitative gains made in trade or business under Islamic law. Riba (Interest) is mentioned and condemned in several different verses in the Quran.

So even religion dislikes it.

Now, in present times, let’s take a look. You have a leader chosen for the people by the people, The King. Your friendly Banker. Media Whores. And You.

This entire planet is possible because of you and a guy named Greed.

So having shared you an interesting background, let me begin the trailer of  Financial Meltdown Nov 2017, An American Express dream!

The American Express Company, also known as Amex, is an American multinational financial services corporation headquartered in Three World Financial Center in New York City. The company was founded in 1850 and is one of the 30 components of the Dow Jones Industrial Average. The company is best known for its credit card, charge card, and traveler’s cheque businesses. In 2016, credit cards using the American Express network accounted for 22.9% of the total dollar volume of credit card transactions in the US. As of December 31, 2016, the company had 109.9 million cards in force, including 47.5 million cards in force in the United States, each with an average annual spending of $17,216.

American Express is full of go-getters who are highly imaginative. That’s one of the reasons behind their success. American Express realized in Q1 2015 that in an event of another recession, the largest lender would be rewarded a Federal Bailout package. So they decided to be one.

Since 2015 they are flouting various financial laws and up-selling credit through their unorganized and poorly regulated offshore contact centers.

 But that’s not it. They are up-selling credit to people who are sure to falter on repayments. They are giving money to people knowing their imminent non-payment. Clearly, flouting the rules of an already rigged game.

Now would be a good time to ask me for some proof. Well, I worked for this amazing institution for 5 long years. I am well familiar with the way this institution operates. And I was a part of this theater too.

Let’s me also tell you what’s gonna happen next. Come November those non-payments would cross an imaginary level and would start shaking the global economy. The waves would continue rocking the world till the next 2 years.

Banks would fire few mid-level employees. Amex India and Manila has already started the cleanup process.

 A year from now, ATM’s would start drying and the banks would declare themselves bankrupt. American Express won’t. Because the moment they would file for bankruptcy, the entire global economy would collapse. Remember, they would have achieved the biggest lender status by then.

So someone would offer them a bailout package and Ken Chenault would sip a cup of coffee with PM Modi and President Trump in a lounge, laughing at you. You are essential.

This entire planet is possible because of you and a guy named Greed.

Now don’t panic. Yes, I told you, you are soon to face a crisis, but I got a fix. Money is limited. If you withdraw all your remaining money tonite, after paying every bill you owe, you would be partially free from this magical chair of a show called the economy. When the music would stop, you do not have to worry. Yes, you would again lose your job but you won’t have many bills to pay.

 You would survive.

Now your question:

What would I do with all my money which I make till this happens?

Keep it in your home. Do not buy stuff on installments. There is no smartness in that.

What if someone steals it?

You have a government body called ‘The Law’, to protect you.

Oh, You do not trust them. You think they are crooks.

Wow!

You think Bankers are your friend and Cops are your enemy. In that case, Who am I?

A madman leading the blind!

 

Deep Hindu State – India

DEEP STATE

 

After the great and commercially overwhelming success of ‘Are you a chimp?’ and ‘Peace Love Rock n Roll’, what did you think I was going to talk about? My beautiful trip to the Himalayas! Of course, not. You knew this was coming. You knew it. Half of the nation has already termed me a bat-shit crazy conspiracy theorist, I need to live up to the expectations.

I always wished to be an infamous writer.

Let me tell you a fact about my childhood superhero Charles Bukowski. The FBI kept a file on him as a result of his column, Notes of a Dirty Old Man, in the LA underground newspaper Open City. That’s the level of infamy I wish to achieve.

Scandalous NiK! 

(I like the sound of it.)

Enough about my hopes and dreams just wanted to let you know, plainly and simply that this article is an attempt to win a place in the tracking servers of the intelligence agencies.

Okay then, where should we begin? Let me start with expressing my anguish over the fact that I wanted to write about PM Modi but I was advised to tread carefully by my closest advisers mostly located in Russia and Iran. Few of them are also based in L.A, California. (I like them more)

So do you understand what this really means?

I don’t like to bad-mouth great men. Modi is one. So is Trump.

Do I have the guts to say ill about Alexander the great?

Fuck not! He fucked up, in the end, that’s true. But who are we petty humans to judge someone so valiant and powerful. I can just think about a popular Indian saying – Aukaat me raho (Stay within your limits). But these are not the times of Alexander the great. Modern popular culture has introduced a great pseudo mechanism of mind control. They allow you to say crazy shit online. And then use the metadata to keep an eye on you. And also for propaganda purposes. Yeah, that’s jibber jabber. Let me further simplify. (And read my book Broken Radio, it’s on Amazon. It does explain all of this using a captivating story-line.)

You are Miss Z. Miss Z hates Trump. Miss Z leaves comments, shares, likes propaganda content against Sir Trump.

But Miss Z doesn’t hate Trump’s Wife.

Now Imagine this, a highly intelligent person, like me, gets access to this lump of raw information.

What can he do?

He can use a cyber boiler room and flood Miss Z’s virtual world with Melanie’s good work and a tiny message to vote for Trump. Now comes the voting day. Miss Z is staring at two faces on an empty wall. Both are full of hollow, empty promises. Miss Z knows, at some level, they both are full of shit. Suddenly her subconscious pops Melanie’s face in front of her and her fingers twitch. She doesn’t even know what happened but there it was,

 A Vote for Donald Trump.

 She comes out, forgets about the whole shit and starts chatting with her girlfriend.

That was my best. No one on the planet can explain you this crazy shit in a simpler manner.

Now let me tell you how you feel. Most of you understand and agree. But you think, none of this affects your pretty lives in any manner.

That is where most of you are wrong. It does. Let me quickly tell you how. Even I am short of time. I need to prepare breakfast for my girlfriend. She would be waking up soon.

The concept of a deep state suggests that there exists a coordinated effort by career government employees and others to influence state policy without regard for democratically elected leadership.

Sounds familiar.

10 Janpath behind PM Manmohan

RSS behind PM Modi

Amazon behind President Trump

You all know what I am talking about. But things just got worse. This is deeper that Deep State. As I explained initially, I was advised not to talk about PM Modi. I also explained how Deep State uses Social Media to manipulate you. None of this is my concern. My issue is PM Modi.

He’s a great man. I do not question anything he does. But I know he wants to see a temple in his name somewhere down the line, maybe 300 years from now.

I wanna make fun of him, a little. I wanna spread some smiles.  Every other country allows it. You made fun of the last one, PM Manmohan. It was disgraceful. I didn’t even smile. But you were allowed. Nobody roughed you up. So, my question to you is, Why the fuck can’t I make fun of PM Modi? A little laugh. How is that demeaning? And if it is,

What about last time?

 Did you guys fuck up?

I am not liking this totalitarian approach of the government to so strongly monitor people and manipulate social media with pro-government propaganda content. I am hating the way the government is using the intelligence agencies to use your cyber metadata to manipulate you. I am not liking this pseudo-censorship wherein Google would not run Adsense on your blog and FB would deny your ads if you write Pro-Islam content.

I hate PM Modi clicking selfies while he sells the nation for a bag of gold and a dream of becoming a God, someday. You are PM for god’s sake. What else you wanna become? PM of America? They don’t have those, over there.

The most powerful man on the planet! Donald Trump! Here’s what he recently said:

“I would be the greatest jobs president that God ever created”

Here is something I like from your PM Modi :

“I will make such a wonderful India that all Americans will stand in line to get a Visa for India”

I would drink tonight. Cheers, to a truly wonderful India.

And also, I know about boiler rooms because a close friend of mine, based in Russia runs a 1200 seater cyber boiler room. I joined FB on 6th Jan 2017. I am a bestseller author and an internet celebrity today. How do you think it all happened in 5 months? I orchestrated it through social media management with the help of my foreign friends.

Don’t judge me. Judge Trump! Judge PM Modi! Get ready to judge India’s next election!

 I am a small fish. I just wanna get infamous. Be a little bad boy. Marry a stunning, gorgeous, yet intelligent writer. (I recently found one.) Settle in the beautiful, heavenly, valleys of Kashmir. Have no kids.

And a request to government agencies –

In case you wanna set up a surveillance on me, I just wanted to make it clear to you, I intend to visit Dubai for some personal affairs this Eid. And Kashmir when I return. So, Please do not cancel my passport or put me in jail. December would be a good time for that.”

That’s it for now. Enjoy your weekend!

 

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