The following is an excerpt from super-secret documents found in the basement of a cult leader who went into seclusion once he realized what an asshole he had been all his life. The following conversation was extracted from a document labeled ‘CONTROVERSIAL STUFF’ & is being revealed only for the betterment of humanity, of course.
Pagan – “Guys! I think we’re handling this quite OK! I mean, we’re all born naked, all animals are born and live naked. Now I understand that we are slightly more evolved than our animal friends (citation needed) however, nice flowing garments with a bit of self-approved skin peak a boo is totally cool!
Christian – “Nonsense! How would we get God to forgive our sins if we allow our women to entice men and lead them to sin? Modesty is the ultimate virtue for a woman. She must dress modestly so a man may lower his gaze in her presence and treat her with some bloody respect! Heaven knows it’s difficult to deal with a public erection each time a maiden bends to fill her bucket at the community waterhole aka the river, and a sight of cleavage appears! The issue is very real and grave gentlemen and gentlemen! We men do not have it easy! Each time we see a woman dressed a bit provocatively, it is US who get an erection that looks like a tent forming below our waists! It’s preposterous! Therefore, women must dress modestly to save us the shame!”
Muslim – “Kill the Pagan! I have no time for doozies who believe humans can be compared with animals or that women can be compared to men! And Christian, as for you, you seem on the right track so I’m going to tell you something you might understand! Wrap this around your head, men are programmed to get an erection each time they see a woman, modest or immodest, doesn’t matter. The only exception to this rule is when it comes to your wife, you lose the attraction once you’ve seen her naked, that’s why we need so many of them! Getting back to the topic, it’s not just the sight of boobs, it’s the thought that they’re THERE that seems to defeat every moral fiber in a man’s body, IMHO, therefore, that very idea needs to be erased. We don’t need to deal with silhouettes of the female anatomy either, let’s just cover them head to toe. And I have my personal designer working on a cloak like garment, which would be shapeless, lose and of course black because colors are enticing too! We must protect ourselves from sinning, therefore, just wrap ‘em up and don’t forget to tell them that it’s their path to heaven as well otherwise an occasional dame with a brain might end up asking, hey! What’s in it for me?”
Hindu –“ I agree with the major suggestions made by the esteemed members, however, I would like to add that covering a female entirely can be an effective way to curb the issue of public erections, however, the same can be misleading too! I am referring to the that awesome time at night, when we think about the women we saw during the day and masturbate to relieve our bodies of built up sin. Now, covered or uncovered, our minds so know what lies beneath that veil or cloak or whatever so naturally, we’re going to want to disrobe ‘em mentally. Now what if we end up fantasizing about an old woman or a mother 0f 5 by accident? Would that not add to our sin? I propose we make a slight exception to the rule. We all know that female tummies get floppy, jiggly and wrinkly postpartum, so let’s allow them to wear a garment that reveals just that portion of the female body, the stomach. Let’s tell them this isn’t immodest because we respect motherhood (LOL) and they will buy it!”
Pagan – “I don’t think you guys understand the concept of sin or even self-control for that matter. It is not a sin to be attracted to someone, that’s the most natural thing in the world. But to force your desire upon someone else is a sin. If you think you are going to be able to play with nature and try and reverse it’s laws, you’re mistaken. It’s natural to be attracted to a female. It’s for the purpose of propagation that this instinct is so strong. And the female has a sense of mate selection as well which is why, she would naturally be attracted to one and not the other who approaches her. The best thing to do is to respect her wishes in the matter. And don’t worry, there’s someone out there for you too! There’s no need to resort to covering up or manipulating one half of the population.”
Christian – “You know what? What he says makes sense. But if people see it as sensible, who will buy what we say? I say discredit the pagan and each word he utters about life and law!”
Muslim – “I told you in the beginning he’s a pain!”
Hindu –“ I sort of understand what you say, my friend, but you see, I have a shop to run too!”
Christian – “So it’s decided! Paganism is banned. It is the most sinful cult one can chose to follow! “
Muslim – “Yeah! It speaks about natural law and stuff! Who needs that ? Next he’s going to tell us the sun sets in the west not in water and the earth is round not flat HA HA HA, you poor loser!”
Hindu – “See the thing is , I worship elements of nature by giving them a hundred thousand God names , and I get that you sort of do that too, but a religious cult cannot be straightforward. There has to be some manipulation for personal gain. What’s the use of power if there’s no abuse of power?”
Pagan –“ That’s alright. I never wanted world domination anyway. That’s why I never said only through me would you receive salvation. I mean, how can you be alive and know what happens post death? That’s the biggest lie you guys have told your followers anyhow. So I’m not surprised upon hearing your plans of manipulating women into submission either. Go on, declare me evil, but remember nature will have the last laugh. “