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Jack Sparrow: Aye Aye Captain!

Good Morning Planet

Today is Friday. I love Fridays.

It is mentioned in the Quran:

O ye who believe! When the call is proclaimed to prayer on Friday (the Day of Assembly, yawm al-jumu’ah), hasten earnestly to the Remembrance of Allah, and leave off business (and traffic): That is best for you if ye but knew!
And when the Prayer is finished, then may ye disperse through the land, and seek of the Bounty of Allah: and celebrate the Praises of Allah often (and without stint): that ye may prosper.

— Qur’an, sura 62 (Al-Jumua), āyāt 9-10

In Hadith, The Prophet said, “On every Friday the angels take their stand at every gate of the mosques to write the names of the people chronologically (i.e. according to the time of their arrival for the Friday prayer) and when the Imam sits (on the pulpit) they fold up their scrolls and get ready to listen to the sermon.”

Even the schools I studied in and the corporations I worked with, cherish Fridays, in some manner or other. In schools we were given a break from the same boring, dull, uniform and we could look shiny and dazzling. In corporations too, there is a fresh vibe and no dress code. So Friday is a fun day.

Lately, I have been writing a lot about overwhelming corporate corruption and I have criticized PM Modi and CM Yogi in a blatant manner. That has generated me a lot of love. Today morning an old friend from the old times, Rahul Panchal, left a love note on FB –

“You talk a lot of shit from your ugly and shitty mouth about a lot of people. You have lately started doing same about our PM Mr. Modi.

Do you do the same for your mother as well ?

Stop being a dickhead MOFO.
#WANNABEARTIST
#FAKELYF # FUCKYOURSELF”

I was extremely delighted to hear from him. We spent some good times together in the past. Some of you might think I am being sarcastic and there is no plausible reason for me to be happy after reading Rahul’s comment. Well that’s untrue. Among all the love he showered me with, he used a hashtag #fakelyf, that’s a campaign BrokenRadio ran two months ago on FB. It gives me immense pleasure to see that my work has not been forgotten. Thanks for bringing a smile on my face Rahul. And let’s catch up someday. Our political differences should not deter us from socializing. I always found you cool. And I like cool people.

When we talk about cool people, well, ignoring Jack sparrow would be a hate crime. Jack sparrow, the wisest sailor, is the coolest of em all. During the month of Ramadan, I promised my dear friend and author, Khadija Fatima – You Think You know, that I would write a great piece about Jack sparrow. (I oversold my writing in order to impress her, wink, wink, wink. No mortal can ever pen down the greatness of Jack in words.)  Her hair recently went salty and peppery, which I absolutely love and I also owe her Eidi, so, here it is, a small tribute to the great, Jack Sparrow. (oops, there got to be a captain somewhere). My bad folks, it has always been Capt. Jack Sparrow.

So, Ladies and Gentlemen, This Friday Morning, Broken Radio Theater presents the infamous, lovable, witty, daring,monster slayer, lord of the seas, robber of hearts, Capt Jack Sparrow  –

(Crowd cheers – Jackie, Jackie, Jackie. Women faint while shouting – Jackie, Jackie, Jackie. Jack enters on the stage)

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Me : Welcome to our humble adobe Captain!

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Jack Sparrow : Why is the Rum gone? (murmurs to himself) Where is that girl with those splendid locks, you spoke about.

Me : She crossed the sea Capt. She is in Dubai, the land of gold.

(Jack looks at Kate’s pic, stares, continues staring)

Me : What happened Capt?

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Jack Sparrow : You need to find yourself a girl, mate. Or perhaps the reason you write three blogs a day is that you already found one, and are otherwise incapable of wooing said strumpet. You’re not a eunuch are you?

Me: Let’s not get personal Sir. We are here to talk about you not me.

Jack Sparrow: You seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before?

Me: Not that I can remember, Captain.

Jack Sparrow: Do us a favor… I know it’s difficult for you… but please, stay here, and try not to do anything… stupid.

(Jack turns around and looks at the studio audiences and yells)

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Jack Sparrow: Shoot him and cut out his tongue, then shoot his tongue! And trim that scraggly beard! (finger pointing towards me) I have no sympathy for any of you feculent maggots and no more patience to pretend otherwise. Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this weirdness.

Me: But I am a fan.

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Jack Sparrow: Good man. Weigh anchor, all hands! Prepare to make sail!

[takes out compass]

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We going to sail to the land of gold. I need to meet this lovely lass they call Kate, the one who has splendid locks. You can come along but, Mate, if you choose to lock your heart away you’ll lose it for certain and Gentlemen, m’lady, you will always remember this as the day that you almost met Captain Jack Sparrow ! [escapes]

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(Curtain Falls)

 

 

 

 

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