My lost chance to INFAMY – I Hate Isha
Good Evening Planet
It’s a fine Saturday evening, here in the choked streets of New Delhi. A little rain and Delhi loses it’s mind. I always loved rain. What’s not to like? Tiny droplets kiss your face and you feel showered by cosmic love. No highly priced Jaguar bath-fit can give you the feel, which rain can. But not rain in the cities, that’s awful. The streets clog and the filth which we shy away from, floods the street. The stink gets unbearable. Panic stricken faces, keep on honking, hoping to fly away to their homes. Unfortunately, contrary to popular belief, honking doesn’t push the traffic forward. It just annoys the shit out of people and crazy people get crazier while the sane ones fear for lives. I don’t remember what a rainbow looks like. Do you?
Anyways, as usual, I am mad today and it’s personal. We humans are social beings. We need to express. That explains the popular phenomenon of gossiping. So let’s gossip. Today we gonna gossip about Isha. I have voiced out appreciation for her umpteen times but today I won’t. Today I feel awful. Today I feel hatred for her.
I always thought Isha was jealous of me. Why wouldn’t she be? I receive more fan mails than her. I have a global fan following. Hell, even your friendly neighbors admire me. They hate your PM but they like me. Did you ask, Who? Your step brothers – The Paki (I do not endorse this term)
Well, the thought transformed into a belief yesterday because of Isha’s poor conduct. Yesterday morning, my father received a call from a person, claiming to be a Sub-Inspector, in a nearby Police Station. He claimed that a defamation suit has been filed against me. Well my father is a very interesting person. He has done epic things in his lifetime, which I cannot even imagine. He doesn’t care about such petty affairs.
I hope you all can imagine my delight. I never tried to hide my desire to be infamous. Fame is a temporary moment. You are famous tonight and the very next morning someone else is and you ain’t. So, I never cared about being famous. Infamy is what I wanted. This was the glorious moment, I was waiting since ages. I was exhilarated. I rushed to Isha’s place. Isha owns this blog. I am just a writer and a very controversial one, unlike her other average, regular writers. I am fearless. It does take a lot to be that way.
Being a great human being and an awesome Boss, she accompanied me to the said police station. I was dancing joyously but she somehow din’t seem happy. I don’t like people who dampen my spirits. She was being that way and I did not like it at all. All this while, a quote from Che Guvera kept resonating in my head –
“I am one of those people who believes that the solution to the world’s problems is to be found behind the Iron Curtain.”
I was extremely excited to be a part of something different, something I never experienced before. I started imagining how awesome life would be, if I get arrested due to something controversial, I penned down. That’s gonna make me powerful. Which real revolutionary did not visit prison? All of them did! That’s how the masses associate. They like you, they love you, they adore you but the moment you are chained by any institution, the equation changes. Either they hate you or they worship you. Both the variables are potent for an artist. But due to her intelligence, which in this context, I would term stupidity, I lost my chance. I hate her. Here’s what happened –
Cop 1 : (In Hindi) You know what this chora (lad) has done?. You will need a lawyer . He can’t go about defaming people. Come back when you have a lawyer.
Isha : When someone reports something they witnessed, do you usually proceed with a case of defamation against the said witness? Or is this an exceptional case? This guy is a writer, not some random chora (lad). And honestly, writers are very enthusiastic about sharing their experiences. He’s shared one, for which he’s presumably here, he can share this one too!..
Secondly, I do not need a lawyer in this conversation simply because I feel you & I, both understand law quite well. We’re free to state opinions on public figures in this country by virtue of the right to Freedom of Expression & with regards to the other posts, since he hasn’t used any full names, designation or status of employment of any employee & also because his writing is evidence based & not based on hearsay, nobody has any business harassing him in this way. If this isn’t understood, I’d like to see your superior.
(The cop stood there motionless and the entire booth kept staring at her as if they just witnessed Hurricane Katrina. A meeting with the supervisor ensued)
Cop 2 : Yes Miss, What is the matter?
Isha : I don’t know, I was hoping the officer would be able to tell me. People are calling my writer’s father and trying to intimidate him. And he’s the one being summoned for discourse!. I’d really like to know who has caused this menace? What a joke of the law!
Cop 2 : (with a smile, address a subordinate) – Bhai madam ke liye chai samosa lao Madam bahut gusse me hai. (Get this lady a little snack and up the air conditioning. She’s too angry)
Isha : I appreciate the gesture but I do not accept freebies, I’d rather have an answer to my question. Who has registered a complaint?
Cop 2 : Ma’am, I guess there’s been a slight miscommunication. We just said that people are asking us to register complaint because of some controversial content Mr Nishit wrote in one of his articles. We did not proceed with the request as it didn’t appear to have much weight-age. The phone call was just made to inform him so that he is aware. That is all.
Isha : Well this could have been easily communicated over the phone. There was absolutely no need to drag us here and waste our time. Anyway, do we have Wifi here?
Me : ( In a hushed voice) Kya karna hai wifi ka yahan? (What do you intend to do with a WiFi connection here?)
Isha : Teri fan mail wali e-mail chaapni hai! (Need to publish your Fan mail)
And to make matters worse, this isn’t the first time this has happened. Can’t disclose much details but a client decided to involve a lawyer, all of a sudden, for no apparent reason, in our chain of e-mails after some disagreements. This is what Isha did when he tried to threaten us with legal action
How the hell am I supposed to get infamous when this woman keeps destroying my dreams? And that was it. My childhood dream of being infamous down the drain. This lady who so proudly claims to be my friend ruined my one and only dream and that too for the only reason to prove that she is more intelligent than everyone around. What not to hate? ARGHHHHHHH….. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you ISHA!
Enjoy your weekend guys.