It’s A Long Way To The Top If You Wanna’ Rock & Roll!

 

It’s a long way to the top if you wanna Rock&Roll!

 

What the fuck is wrong with you people? I am asking this assuming, some of you might know.

Don’t you have something better to do?

 

How about television? Common, don’t be shy. It is your favorite pastime.

Not today.

Did no one make plans with you? Go to some movie or a little shopping, a little clubbing maybe. No?

That bad. Hmmm.

You can play some games, they are pretty involving. You can listen to those stupid tracks saved in your phone, you call it music. Check your FB, maybe post a selfie on INSTA. These things matter.

Isn’t that right?

You can always color your hair. Try that new shampoo you bought after seeing that commercial. Groom yourself a little. Get those yellow stained teeth cleaned. You not going to look any younger or any better. But try.

You can always sleep. I am an insomniac since the age of 14: The day I first saw a pair of titties. A 40-year-old milf neighbor showed me the doors to heaven. You call it child sex abuse. At my time, it was called fun.  Haven’t had any sleep since that day. But you love sleeping. Don’t you?

If you are hell bent on reading this, I must warn you. Nothing would change. You would read this, appreciate, get enlightened. And then the very next evening, you would go and buy something more entertaining. Who reads books? You do not get laid by reading books. Be honest.

They call me Goat-boy. I am a musician. No, no!

They call me Goat-boy. I am an artist. Oh, shit, no!

My name is Goat-boy. I am a recovering sex addict. Fuck this shit!

Okay, so my name is Goat-boy. I am diagnosed with chronic Insomnia. I am also a recovering sex addict. I play guitar. Shit man!

My name is Jack. I am an artist. Maybe. Maybe not.

But I like calling myself one. I create music, at least try to. I am not too good at what I do but seeing the current logistics, who is? Is Trump a good president?

You only need to be good to do great things: To make money, mediocrity does the trick. Look at you, you make money and good is a very distant expression for you. You are shitty and clumsy but still, you make good money. Don’t you?

I never wanted to be a musician but an interesting mix of life events landed me the trade.

 I won’t admit that it was easy but yes it wasn’t so tough either. My doctor asked me to channelize my sexual energy into something more meaningful than watching porn and wanking. He suggested me to try writing, painting, dancing… I thought a lot. None of these people get laid, a lot.

Writers, they are fucking sex starved delusional.

Painters, they are fucking sex starved crazies.

Dancers, they got no energy left to fuck.

Rock stars, You know the glamour. You would get laid, why won’t you? You are a Rock- star!

So I thought to try my hands on creating some original rock music. Apart from playing music, I also enjoy burning shit.

“Burn It To The Ground”

I was listening to the Radio. Nickelback was playing. Music always pleases me. It makes the voices in my head go away. You should also listen to music. But just wanted to advise you that, “Char bottle Vodka, Kaam uska roz ka” (Four bottles of Rum, Bitch drinks every day…. Please show me how she pukes and shits d pain away.) is not music. These lyrics are not thoughtful. If you listen to this kind of music, I am sure your God would save you. The same God whose idols you purchase for $50 at your nearest place of religious communion – A shopping mall!

I focused on the lyrics.

Well it’s midnight, damn right, we’re wound up too tight
I’ve got a fist full of whiskey, the bottle just bit me
Oh
That shit makes me bat shit crazy
We’ve got no fear, no doubt, all in balls out

We’re going off tonight
To kick out every light
Take anything we want
Drink everything in sight
We’re going till the world stops turning
While we burn it to the ground tonight

Suddenly doctor “UD” came. So, our doctor, an unattractive male in his 40’s, never got married. He got laid the first time when he was 28 years old and got his first job. That too because the nurse had a bad breakup and wanted a rebound. A decent doctor worked for her.

Now, he always had an issue with nervous ticks.

For the STUPID: Nervous ticks, are involuntary muscle movements caused by stress and anxiety.

Doc: Goat-boy, You know why you here?

Me: Yes sir.

Doc: Then you also know that if you do not stop lighting fire to financial institutions, they would send you to a prison. They are only acting patient with you because of your fan following.

Me: No problem. I would light the prison on fire. Lighting fire is my passion. I like it.

Doc: No. It’s a medical condition. You are a delusional and an Arsonist. You need medical attention.

Me: Okay Sir. As you say. But did you ever think why I only burn Financial institutions?

UD: Tell me!

Me: Financial institutions make money. Money is historically an emergent market phenomenon establishing a commodity money, but nearly all contemporary money systems are based on fiat money.[4] Fiat money, like any check or note of debt, is without use value as a physical commodity. It derives its value by being declared by a government to be legal tender; that is, it must be accepted as a form of payment within the boundaries of the country, for “all debts, public and private”. (For the stupid – Money is just a piece of paper and it has no value because it has no great saying or quote written over it. It’s abso-fuckin-lutely of no value.)

UD: Got it. Now make sure you buy your prescription from the shop outside. And also book the next week’s visit by paying $250 advance. Get well soon, Goatboy. We love you! 😊

Indian Daily Soaps : Then & Now

It is a painful subject. But what needs to be addressed, needs to be addressed. This is the more awkward version of the dreaded ‘birds & bees’ talk that parents, up until a generation ago, had to have with their off spring. I mean, what can be more embarrassing than having to sit down with your 10 yr old & try & explain to him or her where babies come from. Right? Um, wrong. I would have ‘the talk’ with my child any day than having to explain to him what the hell is happening in the serial his family watches.

But there was a time when Indian television was far more evolved & the industry did churn out some of the most thought – provoking, sensitive & even controversial serials of the time. So, without further ado, allow me to share a list I prepared of some of the most popular television shows, then & now and what they represent.

  1. Shanti (1994)

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India’a first ever daily soap, with Mandira Bedi playing the lead, Shanti was the story of a young, confident, bold journalist who aspires to unravel the truth behind the friendship and enmity between two strong male characters in the serial & the challenges she faces in the process. Now compare that with…

Sasural Simar Ka – (2011 & Running)

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This is the story of a young girl who starts out as the ‘bahu’ (daughter in law) of a family her father chooses for her to marry into that switches from one bizarre twist to another in a matter of seconds. One episode, she’s a regular ‘bahu’ doing the dishes & minding everyone else’s business, the next, she is a fly on the wall! Some days the family dwelling is full of irate women talking to themselves planning to murder people, the next day it’s literally a house of horrors! Subtle…

2. Rajni – 1985

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This was the story of a middle class , married woman who was aware & very ahead of her times. She was fearless , strong & stood up against injustice when she saw it. The serial addressed many social issues like theft, child abuse, work place harassment etc with sensitivity & gave an important social message in each episode.

Sath Nibhana Sathiya –  2010 & Running

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This is the story of two cousins who get married into a joint family. The orphaned cousin is meek, seldom speaks & is always self-sacrificing while the other is manipulative bitch. The mothers in law, are two in number & play good cop bad cop. Then, the manipulative cousin dies & another one fills her shoes as the ‘badi bahu’ of the ‘khandaan’ . Meanwhile the husband loves the meek wife some days & shuns her on others. In one such mood swing he marries another woman, who is very ‘modern’ & then there’s a time leap. During this period the issues the collective household tackles are grave, such as a rat in the house, a laptop that’s been washed accidentally & a few murders. That’s about it.

3. Hum Log – 1984

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The first ever soap opera to be aired in the Indian sub-continent, Hum Log was the saga of  an Indian middle-class family and their daily struggles and aspirations. It was created on the lines of a Mexican television series, Ven Conmigo (1975), using the education-entertainment methodology.

Yeh Rishta Kya Kehlata Hai – 2009 & Running

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The ongoing story of a girl who becomes a ‘bahu’ then faces some challenges adjusting in the new joint family. A few stern looks here, a few subtle hints there & the episode is generally wound up except for a few  accidents & financial losses. That, & the main leads die. And there’s a time leap. And there’s a daughter. And she’s getting married. And there are stern looks here, subtle hints there. And she misses her mommy who she feels could have helped her cope with the stern looks & the subtle hints. Sob. Sob.

4. Buniyad – 1986

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This iconic television series was based on the story of a patriot & freedom fighter, Haveli Ram, & his family and their ordeal during the partition of India & Pakistan in 1947.

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Diya Aur Bati Hum – 2011 & Running

Again, the story of a young ‘bahu’ in a joint family with a stern mother in law & a loving husband. The daughter in law is faced with the choice of having a baby because the MIL wants it or become a policewoman because she wants it. Of course she ends up doing both & tackling terrorists with a nuclear bomb who threaten to diffuse it in the presence of her MIL, who she saves , who then starts to love her & realize the importance of police service all at the same time. While all this is happening, the children are ready to be married & somehow the policewoman bahu mistakes a city in Pakistan to be a city in India & ends up selecting a ‘bahu’ for her son from the ‘enemy’ country! Oops! & Gasp! What follows is MS Power point effects of orgasmic proportions. And then they die. And there’s a time leap.

5. Surabhi – 1993

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‘Surabhi’ was a popular Indian cultural show that showcased the activities and life of women and families in an enterprising society. It dealt with their success and achievements.

Splitsvilla – 2008 & Running

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A popular ‘reality’ show, where you see men & women competing to retain fellow contestants as ‘dates’ & use profanity, manipulation & overt sexuality to do so. The show usually starts with an ‘audition’ round where contestants appear to make statements like ” I want to become something”, or ” I want to prove my critics wrong” & then end up proving quite the opposite. Especially disappointing are the women, who make claims like “I was abused & all my life I have wanted to teach my abuser to respect girls & I want to show him women are not just sexual objects” & then go on to objectify themselves.

The thing is, I can go on & on, but I think I have made my point. But I can’t rest my case till I make everyone realize that this garbage being fed to our families each day exists only because we let it.

There’s no supply without a demand for something. Cut the demand. Stop watching this nonsense. Low television rating points make production houses nervous. They would have to start respecting audiences & come up with better content only if we start respecting ourselves first.

‘Fuck Television. At least the kind you watch’

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