This is a true and shocking account of my Tinder exploits.
I was quite scared to pen it down but I was encouraged by the Broken Radio team to write my feelings down hoping to resolve them within myself.
I am a 29 years old woman. I stay in New Delhi. I am married to a software engineer. I also have a 9 year old son. I work as a teacher in a nearby school.
My husband has always been a fair lover, not too gentle, not to rough. Lately he has been too busy with his work. There are talks of his promotion. He spends every waking minute of his life working. I feel lonely and unappreciated. I was always a 7 point woman. I was never the center of attraction, neither was I the most unnoticed one. I was, as they say, the hot girl’s best friend. I was always in every picture but never in the center. Since my husband also stopped giving me attention, I started suffering from mild depression.
Whenever would turn on the television, I would always see confident, attractive women having fun with good looking guys. I was feeling as if I missed on a big part of my life. One day I saw an advertisement of a phone application called Tinder. It had a catchy tagline about ‘boy browsing‘. I got intrigued. I downloaded the app and within minutes,
I figured out that it was a hookup app. Before I could even put on a decent picture, I had matches and messages pouring in.
The first guy I liked, lived in Malviya Nagar and wanted to meet ASAP. I was alone in the house. I agreed. He made it in 15 minutes & I called him upstairs. I offered him coffee. He was a very confident man. He said, ‘Seems like you are new to this. I don’t want coffee. I want to taste your lips.’ The next thing I remember, I was on top of him, breathing heavily. He left within 30 minutes. I was never f****d like this since high school. I opened the app again, not because I was horny but to see if I was still desirable.
I had 3 encounters and countless orgasms that evening. To my ill fate, my husband also demanded my affections that night. I was already exhausted but I let him have his way. The next morning, I was a different woman. I felt, I am extremely attractive and men love to f*** me. This newfound confidence changed my body language. Now I was always the center of attraction. I started having this feeling that the entire world revolves around me. Whenever I used to feel low, Tinder was the high I needed. One night I was in a lounge. I saw a guy looking at me with hungry eyes. He was a middle aged man. He might have had a daughter about my age. I didn’t want to sleep with him but I wanted to see if I can charm someone in a club without Tinder. I went to the women’s loo and signaled him in. After repeated signals he trusted his good fortunes and came to my booth. He was very rough. I felt as if I was being raped.
He demanded anal intercourse. I had never tried the act before. I refused. But he was too determined. He forced his way. I shouted in pain. He covered my mouth and continued pleasing himself.
This was a wake up call for me. When I saw myself in the mirror getting f***** in the a** forcibly, I realized men are not crazy about me. I am an easy lay. I realized I am not a queen but a Tinder whore who has attached her self confidence to her vagina. That shocking image of myself, being held against my will, in pain, helpless drove the realization of what this really was. But it was too late.
The man finished, spat on my face and left me alone, bleeding and dirty in that loo.
So I decided to share my story. It was too late for me, but if I share my story, this could potentially save another human being from being emotionally and mentally destroyed or worse, getting trapped in a violent situation.